Gastronomic delights of Mutare

Those of you who have been regular readers will have learned by now to believe me when I issue a warning. So here it is.....

Today we delve into some of the gastronomic delights of Mutare, and, because this is Africa, if you have a weak constitution.........maybe give today a miss! Because some of the things we find normal may not be to your liking.

You have been warned.

In our travels through the nearby town of Mutare on shopping trips for the hotel, my wife and I are often confronted with strange sights - many of which we have come to regard as commonplace. And yet they might be of interest to the foreign Readers of this blog. In the supermarkets we have food for sale which is positively Zimbabwean - for example, the discerning housewife is able to buy Mopane worms. This pic is an old one from January - but the worms are still available in Mutare today. Normally they are sold dehydrated, and it is best to soak them in water before cooking so that they 'bulk up' a little....

These 'worms', which are actually the larval form of the Imbrasia bellina moth which belongs to the emperor moth family, are served to every group of Americans that we get in the hotel. We normally make a tomato/onion sauce to accompany them. Tasty stuff......

Of course, those pictures are from January of this year

However, it is in our local butchery, that things will be markedly different from the offerings available in the meat markets of London and New York! But the food is for sale, and eaten by the folk here as part of a normal diet.  Here is the display fridge in our local butchery taken today.....

Nothing too strange there, then? Except that the meat offered for individual sale is not pre-packed, and is generally sold by the ounce, as requested by the customer. (For the hotel, the butchery packs and freezes for us as we order a week in advance)

Every part of the animal is eaten in Zimbabwe - waste not, want not. And so roast leg of goat, or at least roast shin of goat, is something you may not consider buying in London or New York.  But our butcher has it for sale all the time.

Then there is the ultimate in meat for group catering. Say you have 15 folk coming for dinner and are a little stuck regarding what to serve - the following will certainly leave the hostess feeling big-headed about her offering.......

Food for thought?

Once again the "Sorry for that" blog produces a reaction. And don't say you weren't warned! But this - for us, is normal to see in our butchery!

Have a great day!

Pictures from my past....

Following yesterday's posting of a couple of dubious pics - I have had a mail asking how much of my book "Sorry for that!" is really true?

Wounded!

While some of the blogs have a slight tweak every now and again - everything contained in the book is indeed true. And the only way to prove it to you is to show you some photographs from my murky past. These pictures all validate the first chapter of the book, and are preceded by a quote from the book....

"I was born in Mutare, on the Eastern border of Zimbabwe...."

I think most of you will agree that the following pic of me could only have been taken in colonial Africa....

"Eagle was a boarding school, and the year we were six-turning-seven, we started boarding - spending three months at a time at the school....."

This school photo was taken in 1976 - and a prize to the first person who correctly identifies me..

The prize goes to me....... - second-highest row - third from the left! (As an aside, the only lady smiling in the photo is my mother!)

"Further down there was a 'rock slide', and as we did not want to wear holes in our shorts, 'skinny-sliding' was the answer. I can only guess that the assumption was that holes worn in our posteriors would be self-mending! The rocks had been worn smooth by the flow of the water with an occasional polishing by naked bottoms, and they were covered with a slippery green slime that ensured a speedy ride to a freezing pool below. At the top of the slide was a waterfall......"

"........ we used to swim in a small swimming pool that had been created by building a small wall across one of the mountain streams......"

So there you are - the truth may be fudged a little in the Blog - but not in the book!

Have a great day!

The body-changers - little miracles of Nature!

Todays blog is all about changing bodies, and we have some pretty scary pics, so if you have a weak constitution - see you at the next posting! However, if you are brave enough - here are three bodies which have changed over time - and they really are interesting.........

First off - my friends Andre and Rich - who are identical twins. Or at least they were, until they started drinking beer....... because while Rich has one beer a month, his twin brother Andre has 18 a day. While they once looked identical, it is now fairly easy to tell them apart!

Regular blog readers will remember the horrific injuries suffered when one of the dogs living here - Dooby, was mauled by what we suspect was a long-tailed mongoose....

It is now almost 3 weeks since that incident - and all she has left is a small red spot - which we are sure will heal eventually...

Isn't Nature remarkable?

Those of you who have read "Sorry for that" will know that an awful lot of surgery takes place in the La Rochelle kitchens - a good percentage of it being invasive surgery - and pretty much all of it being misguided. None of it is key-hole.

Our enthusiasm for attempting complicated medical procedures is almost boundless, and we really do try our best. However, we are a little short of anaesthetics, and while we have at various times tried crushed garlic, powdered cloves and lots of ice, pain is an integral part of most of our operations.

Thus it was when Preacher the maid sliced open her baby finger on a broken glass while doing the washing up - she refused our help, and vowed to do her own wound irrigating (we even know the proper words to use!!) and suturing......

Unfortunately this was one of our least successful operations - in the long term. While Preacher managed to stem the flow of blood initially, her medical procedures must have been somewhat deficient, because infection set it, and she steadfastly refused to seek formal medical help - stating that she now had full faith in the La Rochelle Medical Team. However, because she had left things so long before seeking our professional ministrations, the infection was too deep and set-in for us to do anything.

In the end, there was nothing for it, but for us to sharpen up our largest carving knife - and solve the infection problem once and for all.......

There was an awful lot of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth at the time, but I am happy to report she is now healed completely!

Have a great day!

Stealing candy from a baby....... or two

To those new Blog Readers - welcome! This blog has over 125 different posts - so if you have time, scroll back and have a read through life in Zimbabwe over the past several months, and I post roughly every second day! We have readers in Russia, China, Ukraine and Italy - so you are part of a truly global audience! Just remember - everything you read is almost all true! I promise.

So - today's blog.......

Those of you who have been to La Rochelle will know that we have a small school on the property.

During the past 3 weeks or so, there has been a quietly swelling murmur of outrage because the four Grade 1 children have been coming home and telling their parents that someone stole the food which had been given to them for break. (Our kids are given juice and food at home, and they bring it to school to eat over break-time). Over and above this - they were returning home without their 'lunchboxes' - to the point that one disgruntled mother phoned the teacher to say that she was now completely cleaned out of Tupperware!

At first we thought that the kids were simply losing their packed food, but it has become apparent that there is more going on here than meets the eye.

Here is a photo of our busy and happy Grade 1 & 2 classroom (our school is very small) and the smiling faces hide the weeping and wailing that has gone on when they discover that someone has been eating their porridge!

This is a photo of the outside of that very same classroom - and on the wall you can see painted the outlines of the 17 children who started the school several years ago - correct in detail and height! Beyond them are hanging the school bags of the children - the Grade 1 children hang their bags to the right of the door as you can see, and it is from these bags that the chocolates, sandwiches and fruit have been disappearing......

Our prime suspect at this stage is 'Mad Theresa' whom regular readers will recall from the Blog titled "Who's been sleeping in MY bed??!?" which I published last month. She has been seen lurking in the area, but we have to catch her to prove it is indeed her (and hopefully get back some of the stolen containers into the bargain!).

Here, then, is a view of the car park of the school with the shadow of the roof visible on the ground.

Can you spot the cunning solution we have put in place?

My solution is actually very simple - but you may need to look a little closer to see what we decided to do. Here is a slightly tighter view of the same picture (cropped from the back-left of the pic above).........

I'll let you know how we get on with this one!

Have a great day!

There's varmints in them thar trees!

So - winter is upon us.

And the trees are alive!

We don't get snow in Africa - in fact I have never seen snow in all my life. But I can assure you that our winter temperatures are nothing to be laughed at. It gets very cold.

During the day we have crystal blue skies - and not even a speck of a cloud. This will go on for a couple of months, through the heart of winter - which is pretty much half of May, then through June and July, and then as we start warming up again the clouds will start to form, until we hit the 'rainy season' from late October onwards.

One of the mechanisms used for coping with cold by the monkeys are the trees. We have a couple of conifers at La Rochelle, and because they are thick, and don't allow the wind or rain to reach the trunk, that is where the monkeys sleep in winter and during the rains. Then as the first rays of the sun hit the tree, they make platforms and climb out to warm themselves. Hard to see from a distance - but they are there. (And notice our standard-issue winter sky with moon in the background)

Here, then is a closer view of the little 'sunning platforms' that they create. Taken roughly 5 seconds after the photo above - and if you look back you will not be able to make out the monkeys.

Pretty soon, as the sun gets warmer, there are more bodies that appear and start trying to defrost after a bitterly cold night.....

But the monkeys are not the only things in our trees at this time of year!

From the veranda of the hotel, there is visible a loquat tree - which comes into fruit right about now. And the other day I noticed a small child - no more than three years old, standing below the tree peering up into the branches. At the same time, I noticed the branches moving, and realised that a monkey must be stealing the fruit. However - the child obviously did not understand that a monkey can potentially attack a small child.

At once, I ran towards the tree, shouting and waving my arms to scare the monkey away. Two things happened:

- the small child took to her heels with an astonishing turn of speed - almost falling over her own feet in desperate headlong flight
- the branches of the tree boiled into action, and four bodies dropped to the ground - one from almost at the top of the tree

But.....................they weren't monkeys.

Here then, is the tree - minus wildlife.

But how to catch the thieves?

 Quite simple, actually.

After the scattering of little bodies, I was able to collect evidence that there had indeed been robbers in the tree...... and then all I had to do was sit back and wait for the culprits to come and face the music....

 

Inspector Clueso I am, I am!

 

Have a great day!

Inspector Clueso, I am, I am!

Have a great day!

More vehicle signs!

As promised yesterday, I have for you today three photos of Zimbabwean vehicles with obscure messages on the back.

This is a peculiarly African penchant, and most public transport vehicles will have something written on the back of them, even if the meaning takes a while to fathom - if ever!

This first pic of of a fellow who is planning on owning an articulated 18-wheeler one day. But you gotta get your foot on the first rung, don't you?

Next to raise our eyebrows was the fellow who had developed an affinity for macaroni cheese, spaghetti, rigatoni, lasagne, and fettuccini. Though why he wanted to tell us all - I have no idea!

Not too - the elaborate 'back-door-closing' system with which the bulk of out mini-busses are equipped. I am surprised that Toyota and Nissan have not brought this out as a standard new vehicle arrangement in all vehicles shipped to Africa....

Still, if you like Pasta an awful lot - well then - tell the world!

Then there was the rather swish BMW that passed us before getting blocked by a large truck ahead of us. He had a personalised number plate - which most folk here have as their name or something similar, and in this instance the message was spot on - because the driver was very small and very black...........

Note too - quadruple exhausts!!!

Figures!

Have a great day!

A couple of epic African 'fails'!

So another road trip, and more fantastic vehicle sign-writing - but that will come tomorrow. Because today - I have the story of a couple of 'fails' for you.

The first is a simple thing - the case of the 'fail' mobile phone tower in Nyazura. And I have absolutely no idea why it is failing - I only know that every time I pass it - the angle of the dangle gets a little bigger each time.......

In fact, it is so bad that in order for the folk of Nyazura to get any decent signal at all, they have to hold their heads at a funny angle when talking on their mobile phones!

Then there was the 'fail' marketing programme run by a local Fast Food chain. I will not mention names, but they sell their 'Family' portions in 'buckets', and the recipe for their chicken was first thought of by a military man whose name started with "S" and ended with "aunders".

Because I may get sued - I cannot name the franchise - but here is a small clue......

Apparently this fast food chain (whose name I will NOT mention) decided to have a promotion in which they promised a 10% discount off every 'family bucket' of chicken that they sold - providing the customers brought their own 'buckets'. This was quite a clever promotion, because many families (humans being what they are) went and bought two buckets of chicken, where only one was really needed, so that they would then get a 20% discount.

HOWEVER - the folk from Magormandaiza village - just off the main highway, worked out that if you bought buckets big enough to buy 10 'family' portions of chicken - the whole village would eat for free!

And then they further worked out that if you bought more than ten buckets' worth - the Fast Food guys would actually have to pay YOU money!!!!!!

A little more time with a calculator - and it became apparent that if you went and ordered 1,267 family buckets of chicken - they would owe you so much money that you would effectively own the franchise! How simple is that? The problem then became - 'where to find a bucket big enough to hold 1,267 family portions of chicken'? Not possible - did you say?

Where there is a will, in Africa, there is always a way......

However, this proved to be a big 'fail' because............when they got there the food chain only had 3 'family' portions left - and once the fellows returned to the village, they realised that it had cost three hundred and forty two times more to buy the bucket than they saved on the chicken!

Have a great day!